[The Perfect Fit]

Let's think of this as a hypothetical question.
Okay, let's say that there is this guy similar to myself in his 50's, happily married who has grown children and let's even throw in a grand-child. For the past few years he has been a member to classmates.com to where his old high school friends have been sending emails and just keeping in touch. Then one day he gets this email (Drum roll here) and it happens to be from his old girlfriend who during high school meant the world to him. It's been 37 years or so since they have seen each other, neither can remember the reason why they separated back in high school and went their own way.
Overtime the emails have been inquiries about each others lives, family and so on. The old girlfriend in this story has been divorced twice. He first husband in the last years of her marriage didn't pay any attention to treating her as a lady and no physical contact.. She thought she deserved more and divorce was the answer. Her second husband was abusive to her and she had to leave him to save her life...
In the emails that they have sent they have included pictures of each other then and now including their family pictures. Nothing has ever been mentioned of old feelings, sex or anything of that nature... Then one day an email comes to this guy and it say.... (Drum roll again) Why don't we get together for a coffee of a drink! Well, right away the guy in this story gets uncomfortable because he is happily married.. He doesn't want to ever mess up anything in his marriage and he doesn't want to hurt his old friends feelings.
So, here's the question... Should this guy politely let his old girlfriend know that he is uncomfortable in meeting her for a coffee or a drink and pass, or, should he just one day say lets meet for lunch and keep it just that?
Please give me your opinions and I'll let this guy know... :>)

 

[Jason R]

My personal opinion. I don't think this guy should meet with her.
Let's say this guy does meet with her.
Then the thoughts start rolling in. "I wonder how life would have been if I were with her instead of my present wife?"
If he still is attracted to her, She will often be on his mind and potentially mess with his HAPPY marriage.

Tell him good luck.

Again, Just my opinion

 

[samson]

Meet with her only if the man's wife can come too!!

 

[puppetshow]

I say wish her well in her life...thank her for thinking of him...but DON"T meet her-

If this man is truely happy in his marriage, there is no reason for him to go.

 

[No More Mini]

Also my advice....have her meet the wife and grand kid too...

Mini

 

[No More Mini]

QUOTE(puppetshow @ Apr 14 2004, 10:23 AM)I say wish her well in her life...thank her for thinking of him...but DON"T meet her-

If this man is truely happy in his marriage, there is no reason for him to go.
I dont agree with that. A man can be truley happy and still want to meet someone from the past. Just because he wants to meet, doesnt mean he is looking for sex. Maybe its only his ego that needs stroking.....lol

Mini

 

[surfergirlck]

QUOTE(Jason R @ Apr 14 2004, 10:15 AM)My personal opinion. I don't think this guy should meet with her.
Let's say this guy does meet with her.
Then the thoughts start rolling in. "I wonder how life would have been if I were with her instead of my present wife?"
If he still is attracted to her, She will often be on his mind and potentially mess with his HAPPY marriage.

Tell him good luck.

Again, Just my opinion
yeah. i'm inclined to agree with jason r.

i'm friends with some ex's, and civil to almost all of them when i run into them in public (especially on opening day

). i've had some that have contacted me because after they dumped me thinking there's something better, they realize how good they had it, and they want a second chance. i've usually way past moved on (i'm funny like that).

sorry, i digress... the point was when the going gets tough for them, they look for something good to focus on and reach towards, meaning your friend's happy, joyful life and personality, because they are not happy with theirs.

i'd stay away from that.

 

[puppetshow]

QUOTE(John Maniaci @ Apr 14 2004, 11:25 AM)QUOTE(puppetshow @ Apr 14 2004, 10:23 AM) I say wish her well in her life...thank her for thinking of him...but DON"T meet her-

If this man is truely happy in his marriage, there is no reason for him to go.
I dont agree with that. A man can be truley happy and still want to meet someone from the past. Just because he wants to meet, doesnt mean he is looking for sex. Maybe its only his ego that needs stroking.....lol

Mini
well...from my own experience..I don't think it is a good idea.
I was recently contacted by a friend from high school....our parent's were best friends also. ( he e-mailed me thru classmates.com)

He is married, I'm not- He told me all about his life...kids...wife etc.
asked me if I was going to a local annual event- said he'd love to come up and have a drink w/me and some of our old friends.
THEN that day.......he repeatley tried to get me to go into his car..........I was pissed! He spoke of his happy marriage.......I made it clear I wasn't interested.

lesson learned!

 

[NINJA]

Maybe she just needs a friend or a sympathetic ear....why not take your wife along, and the three of you go out somewhere???

 

[No More Mini]

QUOTE(puppetshow @ Apr 14 2004, 10:32 AM)QUOTE(John Maniaci @ Apr 14 2004, 11:25 AM) QUOTE(puppetshow @ Apr 14 2004, 10:23 AM) I say wish her well in her life...thank her for thinking of him...but DON"T meet her-

If this man is truely happy in his marriage, there is no reason for him to go.
I dont agree with that. A man can be truley happy and still want to meet someone from the past. Just because he wants to meet, doesnt mean he is looking for sex. Maybe its only his ego that needs stroking.....lol

Mini
well...from my own experience..I don't think it is a good idea.
I was recently contacted by a friend from high school....our parent's were best friends also. ( he e-mailed me thru classmates.com)

He is married, I'm not- He told me all about his life...kids...wife etc.
asked me if I was going to a local annual event- said he'd love to come up and have a drink w/me and some of our old friends.
THEN that day.......he repeatley tried to get me to go into his car..........I was pissed! He spoke of his happy marriage.......I made it clear I wasn't interested.

lesson learned!
Now that is what you found out. NOT everyone wiill be that forward and it STILL left the decision to you. You dont have to do anything you dont want to.....and you didnt.

I guess for safety sake, and the sake of sanity, I should have said the above with "as long as it is done in a safe public place."

Mini

 

[pirlgirl]

QUOTE(samson @ Apr 14 2004, 10:19 AM)Meet with her only if the man's wife can come too!!
I'll second that.
Someone (as in the old girlfriend) is looking for something.
Two ex-husbands that had problems....
& looking for a third?
There's aways 2 sides to every story. I bet those ex husbands say their Ex-wife was a psycho-broad that never had her head on straight.

 

[Boss]

I say don't meet her.

Also, IF you decide to meet her bring the wife (who probably won't want to go).

Why mess with anything that is already good? I believe in fate and there is a reason for everything. As to why these two people broke up back in highschool there had to be a reason and it seems it has worked out for one of them, and is sounds like the other one hasn't found herself yet or what is meant for her in life, but it will.

I agree with a comment above, about the fact that there are two sides to every story.

From an outside perspective, after reading what you posted, I am sorry but it takes two to fail a marriage.

 

[loungellos]

I personally think it might be fun to meet. You have to know ahead of time, though, what you will do if she does come on to you. If you do not think you can handle it, don't go. Have you (I mean your friend) mentioned it to their wife? If it's starting out as a secret meeting, that is a sign.

 

[daileyinterest]

Tell your friend to go meet for lunch. He might be able to scam a free lunch out of the deal. If she offers a invite back to the car...GO!!! She will soon realize why she dumped you..I mean your friend.........SHORTY.
Then she will leave your friend alone for another 30 some odd years.

Problem solved.

 

[Lady Like]

Just when you think things are going great - along comes a wrinkle

Your friend's high school sweetheart has some work to do on herself - I agree with surfergirl - she's looking to find her happiness in his life - where is her respect for his happiness ? If he means that much to her as a friend you'd think she would be wanting to meet any and all those that are important in his life. That's not where she's coming from - she just wants to meet him. I believe she has a hidden agenda - and a rather selfish one. If he goes - beware and bring the wife and the grandbaby!

Ouch - darn - I just stubbed my toe !

 

[manana]

I would have to say NO WAY...its kinda like...be careful what you ask for...because you might get it.

 

[pauligan]

well, obviously the friend is reading into this quite a bit so some sort of interest is there; because if it truly was no big deal, then the "decision" wouldn't even have come up... it would have been dealt with in passing.

It would be awkward for all concerned if it was husband, wife and ex-girlfriend of 40 years ago having a "reunion" I wouldn't want to go meet my husbands long ago girlfriend, what would be the point?... but, perhaps a respectful approach would be to tell the wife of the situation (though, if correspondence was going on with the exchange of pictures and what not, hopefully the wife should already be aware of the situation.) and have her decide if she wants to go or is cool with him going.

Nothing should be done without the wife knowing...

hard to fully respond to this... lots of ideas, tangents, etc that I just don't currentl have time to delve into...

 

[ThreeCrabs]

QUOTE(pauligan @ Apr 14 2004, 10:57 AM)well, obviously the friend is reading into this quite a bit so some sort of interest is there; because if it truly was no big deal, then the "decision" wouldn't even have come up... it would have been dealt with in passing.
It's called thinking w/his head

Him and his wife should invite her for dinner.....doesn't hurt to be nice. Hopefully she's not living in the past and can become friends with the wife as well. If not, she'll have to move onto her next victim.

PF, is this you? You stud muffin!

 

[HazyMemory]

QUOTE(Jason R @ Apr 14 2004, 10:15 AM)My personal opinion. I don't think this guy should meet with her.
Let's say this guy does meet with her.
Then the thoughts start rolling in. "I wonder how life would have been if I were with her instead of my present wife?"
If he still is attracted to her, She will often be on his mind and potentially mess with his HAPPY marriage.

Tell him good luck.

Again, Just my opinion
agreed

 

[Guest]

As Mini said, no one can make you do what you don't want to do. I mean your friend.

As long as the missus knows about it, I don't see the harm in seeing someone for lunch or coffee after 30 years. If she were to make an advance, your friend can always refuse it. If he doesn't trust himself to make the right decision if that comes up, he probably shouldn't go.

The Daileyinterest method could work too