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Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at other dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. And sticking tails straight out and hanging tongues out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

When I move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions so you are still in the way.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine/feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order for affection is: kiss me, then go lick your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change on your part.

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, s/he is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't ne d a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
 

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I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.

thats my house ,, bed hog dogs...
 

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*applause*
AWESOME, pauligan! i love it!!!! (and live it!)
 

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We are loao!
Can totally relate to all of it.
Bed hog dogs!!! 3 of them!!!!! And the stairs!!!!
I think they are trying to kill us so they can have the bed to them selves!
 

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QUOTE(pauligan @ Jan 27 2004, 03:23 PM)The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine/feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order for affection is: kiss me, then go lick your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change on your part.
OMG I am cracking up!!


ditto
ditto
ditto

that is so funny!!
 

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QUOTE(pauligan @ Jan 27 2004, 03:23 PM)4. To you, it's an animal. To me, s/he is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Did my wife give you that one, because that sure sounds like her??
 

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hehehehe.......so true


My little cat hogs the whole foot of the bed every night!! I kicked her in the mouth by accident the other night....I must have rolled over and got her.....she didn't even flinch, but I felt my foot hitting her teeth.
 

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Yup the mutts run the madhouse here.
 

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They are like children who never grow up, I even call their Vet (my niece) My Pediatrician
. And don't get me wrong I love people but I love them more then most people.
 

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That summed up my house. King size bed, Ed is out of town, yet I can't move. Mouse has to sleep right next to me....oh and she just loves the stairs...up and down, up and down.
 
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it needs one more paragraph added.

the fish tank is not a big screen tv for cats.
they are on the same level as you, pets. it is not a tough nut to crack, you dont need to go fishing while i'm out of the house. sleeping on top is not required either!
you will not hear the ocean when sleeping up there.
all that happens is, you get more hair caught in the filter.
 

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i often wondered about a pets point of view about how we treat them.
 
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