[fit chick]

This may sound like a stupid question, but I am attending my friends funeral today and I am not really sure about a few things.
The last time I went to an actual funeral was my fathers and that was 18 years ago.
What is the proper thing to wear?
I am so nervous going tonight. Not sure what to say to the family, because this was a sucide death.
Any imput would be appreciated.
Should I send flowers?....
I am so sad and confused

 

[DawnieDawn]

I am sorry about your friends passing fitchick.

I would wear a black or dark blue pair of pants or skirt. I hate funeral's.

I have a good friend's who's father just passed on Tuesday, he had an anarism (not sure if sp right). So sudden. What do you say? I am so sad for her.

She is actually tan lines on the LSCN, but has never posted.

They need all the support they can get, that's all we can do.

Death...why can't we all live forever?

 

[Ladybug]

Fitchick I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and I can understand your feelings. what a sad time for everyone.

Answer to your question - dark is best - you would probably be most comfortable in a suit or slack/jacket combo. A dress is okay, just nothing too dressy or revealing. Convervative is your best bet. Okay for some color, nothing too overstated though.

As for what to say - there's not much that you can say. Just being there will mean a lot to her family. Take someone with you for moral support and remember we're all here feeling for you sweetie.

Sending flowers is okay. Just follow your heart and do what you think is best. You've got a good head on your shoulders, so trust your instincts.

Lots of love sent your way.

 

[surfergirlck]

wear something dark and inconspicous. a nice dark suit or dress is fine.
don't feel like you have to buy flowers. if it is a very close family friend, go in on it with your family. but don't feel obligated. your presence is respect and love enough.
what to say? 'i'm very sorry about your loss.' is good, and follow with a fun lighthearted story about a good memory you had with the deceased. don't say 'they're in a better place' because more often than not it ends up sounding contrite.
chin up, girl.

 

[edeenorog]

Not a stupid question. As for attire, something understated and classy. Doesn't have to be black. As for what to say. There is never anything good to say. Just saying hello giving hugs and your sorry for their loss is about all you can do. They will remember and appreciate you being there. Hope this helps some.

 

[fit chick]

QUOTE(DawnieDawn @ Feb 26 2004, 04:05 PM)I am sorry about your friends passing fitchick.

I would wear a black or dark blue pair of pants or skirt. I hate funeral's.

I have a good friend's who's father just passed on Tuesday, he had an anarism (not sure if sp right). So sudden. What do you say? I am so sad for her.

She is actually tan lines on the LSCN, but has never posted.

They need all the support they can get, that's all we can do.

Death...why can't we all live forever?
Thanks Dawn,
I have butterflies right now. I really dont want to go, Its just not fair..

I guess he's in a better place now.....

 

[RED HOT ONE]

First....I am very sorry about your friend.......Suicide is always very difficult to deal with. What I mean is you can`t go in there a say "Well at least he/ she is not suffering. " or " He/she lived a full life."

The best you can do is to offer support and talk of all the good times.

When I was 17 my very best friend hung himself because he got caught smoking pot. I still think of him everyday. You to will think of your friend often. But try to thik and say those thing tonight.

As for what to wear.........Anything but red.....Some believe red at a funeral is meant to show disrespect. Hope this helps and again be strong .

 

[Ladybug]

Fitchick I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and I can understand your feelings. what a sad time for everyone.

Answer to your question - dark is best - you would probably be most comfortable in a suit or slack/jacket combo. A dress is okay, just nothing too dressy or revealing. Convervative is your best bet. Okay for some color, nothing too overstated though.

As for what to say - there's not much that you can say. Just being there will mean a lot to her family. Take someone with you for moral support and remember we're all here feeling for you sweetie.

Sending flowers is okay. Just follow your heart and do what you think is best. You've got a good head on your shoulders, so trust your instincts.

Lots of love sent your way.

 

[rerun]

What is it today?.....Got word of two people passing away today. My good friends father and a co-worker of 6+ years...both with kids.

Both passed away due to acholism

Maybe someone is trying to tell me something.

 

[fit chick]

Thanks for your suggestions everyone..
I will wear my black pants suit

 

[manana]

Great advice..Ladybug. I agree. I would send flowers for sure and wear something dark. As far as what to say. Just let them know you are there if needed. Ask how they are doing. When my parents passed I always hated when people would say" I am so sorry" of course they are...for the most part its a given...you wouldn't be there if that wasn't the case...so refrain if possible. Just simply ask how they are doing and if they need anything.

Good luck

 

[Focker]

Fitchick, sorry to hear about your friend. Death all together I have a hard time dealing with... especially suicide. My cousin took his own life about 6 months after we graduated high school in '93. We did a lot together, had the same friends, worked together, hunted together.

I can still remember coming home from college and hearing the news. My heart just sank and I was in denial for a long time. I don't think I've ever cried so hard and so much in my life. Could never understand why or what could have been so bad that took him to these actions. I have dreams about him all of the time... then I'll wake up in the middle of the night.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend.

 

[ThreeCrabs]

Sorry for your loss, FitChick

Suicide is so hard to deal with....You will have different emotions to deal with, but you will get through it.

A family I grew up with, father committed suicide a month before his youngest child's wedding! I remember being so mad at him for the longest time. I couldn't understand how he could do that to her. Then when day I realized he must have had a lot of mental anguish that nobody will ever understand. He truly missed out on a lot.

The most you can do is be a friend and be there for her family.

 

[fatcat660]

ive been to to many funerals of friends and family in the last few years. dont worry about what you are going to say . sometimes just sitting quietly next to them helps in ways you cant imagin. It did for me when my mom died and once again 2 weeks ago when my closest friend passed away.

 

[hammer]

I've been to many, many funerals or funeral homes. I can't stand them, but do you think your friends or family like being there all day? I ALWAYS go for their support. What to say??? When I see them I walk up and shake their hand or give them a hug and say" I don't know what to say". I don't. They aren't looking for some words of wisdom, they appreciate you being there. I recently went some very close friends 13 year old daughters funeral. Suicide at 13 years old.

 

[fit chick]

QUOTE(hammer @ Feb 26 2004, 09:18 PM)I've been to many, many funerals or funeral homes. I can't stand them, but do you think your friends or family like being there all day? I ALWAYS go for their support. What to say??? When I see them I walk up and shake their hand or give them a hug and say" I don't know what to say". I don't. They aren't looking for some words of wisdom, they appreciate you being there. I recently went some very close friends 13 year old daughters funeral. Suicide at 13 years old.

wow, 13 is just soooo young!
That was very hard last night. It took me so long to just go to the casket. I personally dont think they should have them open, it didn't look like him...
I still have butterflies in my stomach.

 

[jewels]

First of all Amy, sorry to hear about your friend. I too along w/ DD have to attend our friends father's funeral today and tomorrow.

In response to your observation about the open casket thing, I too do not like open caskets. I am very clear that I DO NOT WANT AN OPEN CASKET, to anyone listening... I like it when they show pictures of the person when they were living and full of life. Just my personal opinion. Besides no one could ever dress me or do my hair and makeup the way I can!!

 

[Jason R]

QUOTE(fit chick @ Feb 27 2004, 09:49 AM)I personally dont think they should have them open, it didn't look like him...
I personally need the closure. I need to see the person in the casket.
Call it morbid???? But I need the closure.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

 

[fit chick]

QUOTE(Jason R @ Feb 27 2004, 10:04 AM)QUOTE(fit chick @ Feb 27 2004, 09:49 AM) I personally dont think they should have them open, it didn't look like him...
I personally need the closure. I need to see the person in the casket.
Call it morbid???? But I need the closure.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I understand....

 

[MrsSunbum]

Fitchick, thats so sad. There is nothing I can add. I agree with what has been said. Just being there for your friend is whats important.
Doens't help, but we are sorry.