i am SO my own best entertainment!

ok, so i know i'm uptight and anal about things from time to time. but i just have to share this with you, because it is one of my more hilarous pieces of writing i have done in a long time!

long story short: i bid on 'gift certificates' from ebay. i got a crappy computer printout of a coupon that anyone can get online. i left negitive feedback and turned the seller in to ebay because he wasn't authorized to sell what he was and i was ticked cause i felt duped.

3 other people emailed me who also felt duped by his auction. i saw he was still doing it, so i emailed him to politely say 'hey, you're wrong to do this. please stop or i will turn you in to the coroporation you're ripping off.' he countered with 'i'm not doing anything wrong, smarty.' i sent back, 'well, i turned you in and we'll let them see how they feel about you doing this with thier product.' so he sends me this:

"Please send it to me because you are correct, I must be completely missing something and so must ebay because on any given day, there are over 5000 listings for coupons. What big sin, crime am I and all these people committing? Oh, and incidentally, I do not sell coupons.I sell my time to gather the information on where to get the coupons that the companies put out there to drum up business for their establishment, I collect them, cut them and mail them.I provide a service and your problem with that is what? That you did not realize you could collect them yourself? Back to a couple of your points then I have to go, have much much better things to do then argue with you about nothing. And again, if it is so illegal to collect coupons and charge for my time doing so, why does Ebay allow over 5000 listings daily just for coupons? Why is it that Ebay never once took my listing down? Perhaps you are the one that does not get it! Infect, Ebay has a program where the companies that offer any type of coupons, if the company does not want their coupons appearing for sale on Ebay, the designated company spokesman sends the sellers a email explaining the companies policies and not to sell list the coupons for sale. I never once even received this type of notice. If I had, Ebay would have taken the listing down as well. Wow, if you are really in such desperate need for a "cause" surely you can find a better one then someone selling their time for collecting coupons. A friend of mine that works at an attorneys office is here having lunch with me, is in total disbelief at seeing your letter as in in even more disbelief that I am wasting time even responding. For Christ sakes, next time you go to purchase something, p;lease be sure is not something you can do or get yourself so you do not suffer all this guilt afterwards. And you can complain all you want, what does that mean? Has ebay taken any action, NO, will they, NO so what the f*ck is the big deal? Again, I collected coupons, charged for my time collecting these promotional coupons, just like 1000['s of people do every day on Ebay. Go look yourself. Is a mute point anyway, I am selling high end items now, is much better customers, do not have to deal with the looses, driftdraft type people that i had to deal with when I sold my time collecting coupons so people could save money.
PS - I have an extra donut coupon, you have any coupon you want to trade for it? And last thing sweetheart, maybe you should go after Hardrock as well since in their letter that came with the coupons they called the coupon a gift card. What an atrocity. Sweetie, maybe if you did not waste so much time sitting on your fat a$$ with your "causes", you would have time to find these food coupons yourself, then you would not feel "duped" when you found them and make such a fool of yourself. "

so i'm laughing me arse off at this because NOW i am forced to respond to this dipsh*t because i am now ENTERTAINED and laughing so hard i can hardly breathe. so here is my response... boy, i crack myself the f up!

"my, if anyone feels any kind of guilt, it is surely you with your drivelsome tirade. a touch defensive, are we my little simpleton?

do you realize how absolutely without a life you sound? 'i collect coupons. ahuck ahuck!' maybe you should find a coupon for a life and a personality.

you will be recieving a letter from the hard rock telling you to stop, as you are not authorized to sell their product. simply put and i think even YOU can understand that. you are very ignorant in this area, there, sparky. maybe your lawyer friend should look into that for you, or is his d*ck too far up your a$$ for him to think about anything else? if you are selling your time, as you state, then state it in your description of what you are selling. otherwise, it is fraud no matter how you put it.

do you feel better? do you feel more like a man with your miniscule tirade and the other email you sent regarding 'my fat a$$?'(which, i have to state is not. startling enough for you to comprehend, i am a professinal cheerleader.) i sit here and laugh at you getting all torked out of shape like a little whore who just got f*cked but didn't get paid. i don't go on ebay much because i do have a life, of which you should feel privledged i would even waste these few moments on your sorry, obviously ignorant a$$. it is a shame that god wasted the mold of flesh when he made you. to resort to calling someone 'fat a$$' because your education at the 'nazi school for *******' didn't go beyond kindergarten tactics and name calling. you are an embarrassment to the ebay community. why don't you go kill yourself; i hardly think anyone would care.

i'm sure i can find a coupon for your coffin, and i won't charge you for my time! "

oh, i am still laughing!!! i tried to censor it... if i missed a word or two i apologize. hard to see thru tears and peals of laughter!