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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know I talk alot of crap out here about wanting to be single...but in the end I am a true family man. I love my kids more than anything... and yes my wife also.....

But.....It seems as though my marriage is falling apart....

During an argument the other night the "D" came out and for the first time I think it was meant for real.

So I haven`t been out here much and my mood is foul......I call on my fellow Boaters or LSCN Members to please give me some words of encouragement in my darkest time.

I am deffinately not ready for this.....I don`t want to be a weekend Daddy...I don`t know if I can handle that...

Sorry if I bringing anyone down but I could use some love here......
 

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all i can say is try to keep a "decent " attitude if you can, and try to work things out.
i know what your going thru "kinda", as im in the same situation after trying to work it out so many times. i dont have as far as the "D", cuz we havent had the "M", but i can still feel for you.
what happens, hapens, and we have to get thru it, but you have to keep your head up as best you can and things may work out

hang in there bud!!
 

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RHO- sorry to hear that.. hang in there. Sometimes in the heat of the moment things can be spoken that are not really meant. Hopefully this is your case. Non the less it hurts when someone says hurtful things to you.. but you have to have faith in yourself and your marriage that you can make it thru this rocky time and look forward to better times ahead!
 

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WOW man, sorry to hear that. Ummmmmm

I am a master of f'ing things up in that territory so my advice might not be the best, but it seems to me

Conversations usually help.
Vacations combined with conversations??
LSCN does not help -- don't get me wrong, I love this site and the people, it's just not condusive for relationships

You and your significant other, ask each other, "what really matters??"

I hope all works out, without knowing you, or your specific situation, that's about all I can say.

I do know that others here have more experience and making things workout.
 

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I feel for you bro, as long as your wife and yourself do not use the kidz as pawns they will love you even if it is on the weekend. One of my friends moved only a mile from his ex they have a good visitation thing and he sees them alot during the week. The only advice that I could give is, if you and the wife decide to divorce, try not to fight about possisions that might make it as amicable as possible. I am sorry to here of your situation, hope things get better for you .
 

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RHO - keeping it simple, i've been through it and it was the most difficult/sad/hurtful time of my life. Communicate as much as possible and try and hear each other. That's very important. Good luck.
 

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It's a little lengthy but good. Hope it helps some!

What I've LearnedI've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.
I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that although the word "love" can have
many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
 

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big hugs for you, RHO!!!!!!!
i dont know the right advice to give, so i'll give you
big ol hugs instead!!!! keep your chin up!

 

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Red Hot, I'm not a marrage counselor, nor am I a psychiatrist. I don't know what type of personal problems that you are going through at the home front. In my 28 1/2 years of marriage I have had the divorce word brought to my attention but it was out of anger and not really meant. Women as they get older sometime have to deal with their emotions at a hormone level. Maybe your spouse feels that your not the giving loving person that you should be?? A marriage takes commitment from both parties. A woman who stays at home raising children sometimes feels trapped at home. You need to find out what in both your minds may be causing your marriage to fall apart and sit down and discuss with your wife how to make things better. Tell her how you feel and be honest. See what is really bothering her to make her so angry. You do have to work at a relationship to make it work. Both parties have to give and take ... I hope that my .02 cents worth of info isn't offending to you or anyone else here at LSCN. Open up and share your most inner thought with your wife.. Look her in the eyes and ask her to share with you.. Hold her hands... Cry if you feel that you need to let go.. It's your life and you are the person who has to make it work... No one here at LSCN can do it for you.. It's the first step to geting your marriage back in good graces...
 

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If things don't work out between you two, watch your drinking. I've heard way too many stories of guys getting multiple DUIs, losing their jobs, etc after breaking up with their ex. Keep the big picture perspective; she's not the only woman in the world, and life goes on. I do hope things work out for you.
 

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My advice is to follow what you feel and what you think you should do. It is human nature to seek comfort when you hurt. However, sometimes seeking others opinions of what you should do can make you overact, overthink, and often botch things up worse.....Don't take offense to this please, just trying to be point blank honest.

I could give you advice of what women seem to want but every women is different in their own ways, contrary to what men believe.

First get off the board and spend that valubale time with her reconcilling differneces and finding out where your marriage should go. We will be here when you re-log on
 

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Samson, that was great!!!

I saved it for personal use!

RHO~my advice... walk through this with your eyes open and your mind clear... whatever the outcome will be, you, will be just fine and stronger for having gone through it.

Ending something is never, ever, easy... even if it is necessary and there are no other choices....

I am a big proponent of sticking with something... but, not all things are meant to last forever, and sticking with something and being miserable is worse than the feeling of leaving; trust me. And that is OK. As one door closes, another opens.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thank You!!!! For your insight ..Your thoughts....Your kindness...Your advice..

As I sit here at work it`s all I think about... And because she works nites we never get to talk about it....One way or the other we will after to come to somekind of agreement on a what to do next... your thoughts at least give me something to mull over in my head..

But I will get through this....Hopefully with my keen sense of humor intact..Right now I just don`t feel to playful...So with that being said...I will probably go into lurking mode so as not to bring you fine, friendly, wacky, fun, people down...

Thanks again for your comments..................
 

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I took the Warden to the St. Clair inn. Saturday. They have a 5 star classy super duper sweet a$$ restaurant. Candles, fireplaces, even a piano guy. It over looks the St. Clair River, Their breakfast is equally good. They have a couple diffrent deals where you get everything included as well as a bottle of Champagne on arrival. Like $200 gets you the Bottle, Dinner and Breakfast. My Polish Princess is still talking about how wondurful it was. She was really really happy. Ditch the kids and take her there. Your wife not mine. Use all the will power you have not to talk about the normal crap that she doesnt want to hear. They also have a band in their lounge that was really cool. Cheap drinks, nothing but good things to say about our stay there and the after effects.

Wine her, Dine her, and well you get the idea.
 

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QUOTE(CBJ @ Nov 20 2003, 01:57 PM)I took the Warden to the St. Clair inn. Saturday. They have a 5 star classy super duper sweet a$$ restaurant. Candles, fireplaces, even a piano guy. It over looks the St. Clair River, Their breakfast is equally good. They have a couple diffrent deals where you get everything included as well as a bottle of Champagne on arrival. Like $200 gets you the Bottle, Dinner and Breakfast. My Polish Princess is still talking about how wondurful it was. She was really really happy. Ditch the kids and take her there. Your wife not mine. Use all the will power you have not to talk about the normal crap that she doesnt want to hear. They also have a band in their lounge that was really cool. Cheap drinks, nothing but good things to say about our stay there and the after effects.

Wine her, Dine her, and well you get the idea.
Oh yeah, one last thing, if you do take my advice dont stay in room 26, and if you do, they have these little benches in there. Well dont touch the bench. Just stay away from it.

Completly.
 

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These Are My Wishes For You

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you are experiencing give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.

May the teachings of those you admire become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard you may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become
one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

~ Author - Sandra Sturtz Hauss ~
 

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do whatever it takes to keep what you have if you truely want to keep it and if she'll let you!!

i've been strained to the limit b4 too and thought of the big "D" as a possibility and swallowed my pride (cuz thats what part of the problem was) and was fortunate enough to have a wife who realized it wasnt 100% on me.

its worth it to do what it takes especially if this is the first rough time.

but, whatever you decide, lscn'ers will support you all the way cuz we're not living in your shoes.
 
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