Just a question....

1074 Views 16 Replies 15 Participants Last post by Jason R, Apr 1, 2004

Girlie

Discussion Starter · Apr 1, 2004

IF someone said things to you that hurt your feeling horribly and their reasoning was unjustified and it came out that the intent was just to be mean, when they apologized what would you do?

Do you...

accept it because it is the right thing to do

or

acknowledge but do not accept?

Remember this person was REALLY nasty, spiteful and hurtful and their words have really affected you and others.

Last thing... this person is not going away you know you will see them regularly.

Sorry to get so deep on a Thursday!!!!

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

Shandog

· #2 · Apr 1, 2004

the only thing you can accept Girlie is that you cannot control the actions of others. If something mean was done to you intentionally, and out of spite, I'd not want anything to do with that person.

Granted if they are in your social circle you will have to tolerate their presence, but you do not have to like them and you do not have to conversate with them and you certainly don't have to agree with their actions.

I've come to my conclusion that eventually everyone has to lie in their own bed that they make, meaning, this person may or may not feel sorry for what they've done to you, but they WILL have to deal with what they've said and done some way or another. Normally this is when they choke on a piece of humble pie

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hammer

· #3 · Apr 1, 2004

What did Capt'n Mike say???

All Jacked Up

· #4 · Apr 1, 2004

Hard to say Emily. For me it would depend alot on all the specifics that I'm sure you don't want to go into. And if their apology was sincere or not.

For the most part, I try to look at all sides and forgive if possible.

Not sure if that will help or not.

Good luck

mongo

· #5 · Apr 1, 2004

If the apology is truly sincere, I suppose they could be forgiven, but would owe you....BIG TIME.

If you feel the apology is not from the heart, then rid yourself of them until they mean it.

Mean people suck

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Girlie

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 1, 2004

QUOTE(All Jacked Up @ Apr 1 2004, 12:56 PM)Hard to say Emily. For me it would depend alot on all the specifics that I'm sure you don't want to go into. And if their apology was sincere or not.

For the most part, I try to look at all sides and forgive if possible.

Not sure if that will help or not.

Good luck
That is another thing..... if this person is apologizing because it is the right thing not because they are sincere, do not bother.

Looking at all sides, this person was wrong.

I know what the right thing to do is.... but the reality is it's done this person said things they can NEVER take back and I can never look at them the same. With or without an apology.

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bikinigirl

· #7 · Apr 1, 2004

Your right, Unfortunately once someone has said/done something it cannot be taken back. It is up to you the one hurt to decide if you can accept them again into your life. Things to consider; how deeply were you hurt? Is what was done going to matter in a year. How long have they been in your life and is this the first time they have done this? Can you see getting past the pain?
If the apology was just because they felt it was the right thing to do and not sincere than it's not really an apology.
It's hard to get over harsh words and tempers. I wish you the best and hope it works out and that in the end of all of this you are happy with you and your choice in this situation. Sorry, don't know if any of this helped. Good luck

RED HOT ONE

· #8 · Apr 1, 2004

Accept it.......But never forget it.....As for seeing them around......Just keep in mind how that person is and never let them get to close to your heart again......

HazyMemory

· #9 · Apr 1, 2004

This is a really hard one. I can't answer what I would actually do, but it is best to forgive and forget. It's not that easy though.

NINJA

· #10 · Apr 1, 2004 (Edited by Moderator)

2

I am NINJA-give me a name, I will kill them with my thumb

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Kat

· #11 · Apr 1, 2004

QUOTE(Shandog @ Apr 1 2004, 12:51 PM)the only thing you can accept Girlie is that you cannot control the actions of others. If something mean was done to you intentionally, and out of spite, I'd not want anything to do with that person.

Granted if they are in your social circle you will have to tolerate their presence, but you do not have to like them and you do not have to conversate with them and you certainly don't have to agree with their actions.

I've come to my conclusion that eventually everyone has to lie in their own bed that they make, meaning, this person may or may not feel sorry for what they've done to you, but they WILL have to deal with what they've said and done some way or another. Normally this is when they choke on a piece of humble pie

I AGREE!
Something like this just happened to me and I'm still waiting for an appology at least you got one.

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Madmax

· #12 · Apr 1, 2004

QUOTE(HazyMemory @ Apr 1 2004, 02:27 PM)This is a really hard one. I can't answer what I would actually do, but it is best to forgive and forget. It's not that easy though.
yes , it is not that easy but sometimes is right thing to do

Girlie

Discussion Starter · #13 · Apr 1, 2004

QUOTE(Kat @ Apr 1 2004, 02:46 PM)I AGREE!
Something like this just happened to me and I'm still waiting for an appology at least you got one.
I have not recieved it yet, but have been told this person wants to apologize. I am just not sure how to handle the confrontation.

GaryDebs

· #14 · Apr 1, 2004

Appology would be accepted...Why hold a grudge...life's too short!

But there's also the trust thing... <_<

surfergirlck

· #15 · Apr 1, 2004

5

QUOTE(Shandog @ Apr 1 2004, 12:51 PM)the only thing you can accept Girlie is that you cannot control the actions of others. If something mean was done to you intentionally, and out of spite, I'd not want anything to do with that person.

Granted if they are in your social circle you will have to tolerate their presence, but you do not have to like them and you do not have to conversate with them and you certainly don't have to agree with their actions.

I've come to my conclusion that eventually everyone has to lie in their own bed that they make, meaning, this person may or may not feel sorry for what they've done to you, but they WILL have to deal with what they've said and done some way or another. Normally this is when they choke on a piece of humble pie

i agree, shan.

hang in there, girlie.

you're good peeps!

and we love you!

good advice so far from all!!

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damn yankee

· #16 · Apr 1, 2004

For something as severe as what you described, Shandog got it right. I would tolerate that person, but no longer consider them a friend, and treat them no more as an aquaintance. This same situation has happened to me in the past, and the only way for a person like that is gonna learn from their mistake is if you're polite, but you keep them at a distance and tolerate them, but no longer associate with them. Sometimes it is a good thing (and OK, too) to aknowledge an apology, but not accept it. Apologies can be very shallow, and you can end up back being a friend to someone that you really don't want to be friends with.

But...if it wasn't premeditated and as nasty as you're inferring (everyone has their bad moments), then I'd forgive and give them another chance.

Jason R

· #17 · Apr 1, 2004

Funny, This happened to me today actually.
The person apologized and I looked at him laughed and said "Sure okay" and walked away.
This is not the first time this has happened. That is why I reacted the way i did.
This person is really not that important to me though.
I guess it depends on how important the person is.

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