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Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's
Ebonics homework assignment. He must use each
vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel

I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate

My girfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb

I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man,
somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose

If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum

I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment

My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment
they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis

I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said
penis.

8. Isreal

Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look
fake." He say, "bullsh*t, that watch israel".

9. Undermine

There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment
undermine.

10. Acoustic

When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and
took me to the poolhall.

11. Iraq

When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you
break.

12. Stain

My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you
plan on stain for dinner?"

13. Fortify

I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say
"fortify."

14. Income

I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife
 

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Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.

In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another, and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white shirt, as well.

I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
 

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30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man...

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.
 

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and
behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education
Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen,
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."

Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men
are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian
who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French
men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We
have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the
Southern *******." Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and
blushed. I'm
sorry." She said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't
even
know your name."

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
 

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THE BLONDE AND THE THERMOS

A blond was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it
over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos.... it keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold."

"Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing... I'm going to buy it!"

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss, who is
also blond, saw it on her desk.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos ... it keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold," she replied.

"Wow, that's amazing," said the boss, "what do you have in it?"

"Two popsicles and some coffee"
 

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sign your garage needs to be cleaned:

George W. Bushhad ID'd the oil stain on your floor as an alternate energy source.

 

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A Blonde and a Brunette are walking to their cars after work. The brunette is carrying a dozen roses which were delivered to her at work for her anniversary. The Blonde exclaims: Those are such lovely flowers, but why do you have such a long face?

The Brunette says: Oh well I got them from my husband and you know what that means!

The Blonde says: No What?

Brunette Says: Well that means I'll have to be on my back with my legs in the air for the next 3 days!

The Blonde says: Really, Don't you have a vase????
 
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