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Yesterday I did something I really regret. I aired some private dirty laundry about my ex. Why did I do it? Because I wanted to gloat over gaining some advantage? Because I'm and insensitive prick? The fact of the matter is that after all these years she and I still have never gotten over the hurt and pain of going through a realllly bitter divorce. We were sitting in that room at the FOC and I am telling you it is really horrible. The people who work there are so jaded and used to dealing with people at each others throats that they almost perpetuate the negativity with their attitudes as well. We sat in the waiting room and listened to the other idiots around us bickering like uneducated children and waiting our turn to start slamming each other. That's neither here nor there anymore. After I left I started thinking to myself how did this happen.

I guess it's not something I've given alot of thought to in the last few years. We were in that room and I was thinking to myself, "Wow, she really looks pretty today". I thought back on the 3 greatest moments of my life, 2 being watching my daughters being born. (3rd-Steve Yzerman scores winning goal in triple overtime against St. Louis, Game 7 second round of playoffs, Row 10 right on the blueline, which probably demonstrates another reason I got divorced). I thought about all the intensity and raw feeling and emotion which comes from caring about something so much and wanting those kids to be alright. I thought about the 3 miscarriages she went through and remembered being there throughout the whole process, holding her hand as she laid on the ultrasound table waiting to see that heartbeat and knowing in my heart that we were in for another disappointment. Leaving the hospital heartbroken and knowing how hard the next months would be dealing with how much we both wanted another child. I thought about our wedding day and how it really was one of the best and funnest days I've ever experienced in my life, and yes, she really really did look beautiful that day.

Then I wondered how do you go through all that together and then end up in a room like this thinking to yourself, "why won't you just die bitch"? Afterwards I told myself that I cannot live my life with this type of negativity in it. I told myself that my kids "need" to see that we can be together if not as husband and wife at least as Mom and Dad. If not how are they going to formulate meaningful, healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

I picked up the phone and did something I didn't even do during our divorce. I called Lisa and told her all the things I just wrote. Everything (First told her I hadn't been drinking) I told her that when I look at our children how can I regret a thing that we'd been through other than the childish way we treated each other. I told her that I realize I was a lousy husband and that we both know that in retrospect we probably shouldn't have ever been together. Then I told her that for all the things that I did or didn't do to make her feel number one those were my issues and had nothing personal to do with her. I said I was sorry for that and I cannot live my life with someone in it that I have hatred for. I asked her to forgive me and to if not be my friend to at least be what she is and will always be, "The mother of my children", someone I've shared the most intense moments of my life with. She couldn't say much with her husband in the room but she called me today and we had about the most civil conversation we've had in 5 years and thanked me. She said she had about the best night sleeping she's had in a long time.

I guess my point is that human relationships are so dynamic and sometimes almost impossible to understand. Life is way too short to carry hatred and animosity around for anyone. I just thought I'd pass on something that might help some people I know get on with their lives, put the past to rest and get on with developing healthy relationships in the future. Easy for me to say, this "epiphany" just happened to me the last 24 hours, but I think the sentiments are no less valid! And I hope for the sake of my kids I can be a better man in dealing with my ex. Have a great Memorial Day Weekend!!!
 

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Good for you Mike; good for you!
 

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I usually never take the time to read your life-story sized posts, but I'm glad I did for this one. That was really moving.
 

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WOW! traveler.. that was pretty cool of you~ the feeling you get when you know you did the right thing, no matter how hard it is (was).. is an exceptional feeling.
Life is too short to be pi$$ed off someone indefinitely- my motto has always been to forgive.. maybe never forget, but definitly forgive... everyone is different in life and people have to understand that not everyone is going to act the way they expect them to.. people do wierd things throught their lifetime~ good, bad or indiffferent...that is life and that is what make eveyone unique and special in their own way.

You should feel very good about your approach in calling your ex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
QUOTE(manana-II @ May 23 2003, 09:44 AM)WOW! traveler.. that was pretty cool of you~ the feeling you get when you know you did the right thing, no matter how hard it is (was).. is an exceptional feeling.
Life is too short to be pi$$ed off someone indefinitely- my motto has always been to forgive.. maybe never forget, but definitly forgive... everyone is different in life and people have to understand that not everyone is going to act the way they expect them to.. people do wierd things throught their lifetime~ good, bad or indiffferent...that is life and that is what make eveyone unique and special in their own way.

You should feel very good about your approach in calling your ex.
Cheers to a sweet woman who I know will never have to experience this with her man!!
 

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Damn, man! VERY moving! You're a good person for doing that, but you're a GREAT father for it. Good for you, my friend. It's always nice to hear things like this from people you know and like.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
QUOTE(rerun @ May 23 2003, 10:00 AM)Good job brother....now lets got grab a beer after work today..it's nice out and I think I owe you one.
Let's grab a few and go to the ZZ Top concert. I'll pick you up a ticket if your in.
 

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**eyes totally welled up**

Definition of a MAN: Please read Traveler's initial post.



That was so beautiful Traveler ~ Words can't even express the gratitude your ex must've felt when she heard you say those words to her. It means it wasn't unnoticed, that you'll never forget the good times, that through the clouds of memories you can still remember how beautiful she looked on her wedding day........

I hope the day will come for me that I am fortunate enough to get that call ~ based on the track record of my ex I just don't see it ever happening. It's okay though - I'm living vicariously in the moment that your ex had yesterday and it's warming my heart to no avail. Really


God that was great!!!!!
 

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Heart felt man! I can relate to your entire story. My ex-wife and I are on good terms for the last 5 years, and I can only wish the best for her. It's the best feeling in the world. We just got married to young.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
QUOTE(Shandog @ May 23 2003, 10:56 AM)**eyes totally welled up**

Definition of a MAN: Please read Traveler's initial post.



That was so beautiful Traveler ~ Words can't even express the gratitude your ex must've felt when she heard you say those words to her. It means it wasn't unnoticed, that you'll never forget the good times, that through the clouds of memories you can still remember how beautiful she looked on her wedding day........

I hope the day will come for me that I am fortunate enough to get that call ~ based on the track record of my ex I just don't see it ever happening. It's okay though - I'm living vicariously in the moment that your ex had yesterday and it's warming my heart to no avail. Really


God that was great!!!!!

Ya know girl our little exchange in the PM's kind of prompted that whole thing so I gotta pass on some thanks to you. It was pretty cathartic!
 

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If I had anything to do with that phone call & happiness and peace you are both feeling in your hearts today than I am, well, at a loss for words for once in my life......

 

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QUOTE(Shandog @ May 23 2003, 01:16 PM)If I had anything to do with that phone call & happiness and peace you are both feeling in your hearts today than I am, well, at a loss for words for once in my life......


i don't belive it!
 

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Traverler! You have given me goosebumps (some in the right place,
) and watery eyes (i'm not a crying type chick either)......

Don't know your whole story, but you are a big man in my eyes to call your ex and say all these sweet things and mean them. It shows you have truly learned from the path you have chosen. That is what life is all about.

Hope others can learn from this, as well........might make their day easier.

Feelin' like a big, huge group hug! How sweet!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
QUOTE(Shandog @ May 23 2003, 11:16 AM)If I had anything to do with that phone call & happiness and peace you are both feeling in your hearts today than I am, well, at a loss for words for once in my life......


Wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true!!

3crabs as always very sweet!! It's like every experience I guess, if you haven't learned anything than what was the point??
 

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QUOTE(traveler @ May 23 2003, 09:48 AM)QUOTE(manana-II @ May 23 2003, 09:44 AM) WOW! traveler.. that was pretty cool of you~ the feeling you get when you know you did the right thing, no matter how hard it is (was).. is an exceptional feeling.
Life is too short to be pi$$ed off someone indefinitely- my motto has always been to forgive.. maybe never forget, but definitly forgive... everyone is different in life and people have to understand that not everyone is going to act the way they expect them to.. people do wierd things throught their lifetime~ good, bad or indiffferent...that is life and that is what make eveyone unique and special in their own way.

You should feel very good about your approach in calling your ex.
Cheers to a sweet woman who I know will never have to experience this with her man!!

Thanks Traveler....glad to see you closed the book and opened a new one. File it under "H" for history...now...moving forward...how about some Rob Zombie and Guns and Roses
 
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