[BlondeStreak]

Since I am marrying a man I am madly in love with, we will probably produce at least one offspring (preferably a girl) but if I wasn't marrying him, I would not have any, I never really wanted kids all that bad.

I have ponder this thought for 18 years. It seems like people I know that have kids feel they are over-rated and a pain in the arse. People who don't have kids feel they are spoiled, disrespectful and expensive.

Just curious about peoples views, parents and non-parents.

 

[fatcat660]

OMG what kind of crowd do you hang with

kidz are great, I can not imagin how empty life would be without them. When I get home from work and they run as fast as they can just to see daddy there is no better feeling than that.

 

[Cassie]

This is something that Hazy and I have been debating ourselves, I'll be very interested to see everyones responses.

 

[bobrob]

IF YOU HAVE THE TIME AND PATIENTS AND MONEY IT WOULD BE OK. I THINK ID BARF MY SELF IF I HAD TO CHANGE A DIAPER, PROABLLY WHY WE DONT HAVE ANY.

 

[The Perfect Fit]

First of all I would say enjoy your time together first. Get to know each other and share your first years of marriage together...

I have three children... Now ages 18, 24 & 27.. I shared every minute of their lives growing up that I could. The good, the bad and the awful... And I wouldn't chage any of it. The most precious gift that I could ever have received besides my wife were my children. Yes they are spoiled, but how I loved every minute of it. You have to have patients when raising kids. My grand-daughter is a handful and my oldest daughter says that she doesn't want to have another one if number 2 turns out like her first one. I just laughed when she said that... My daughter was the say way.. A real handful.. All through her teenage years she never listended to anything that we told her... She grew up and how I love her so...

My answer to having kids is are you grown up enough to handle them and the situations that they get themselves into? Give them lots of room, let them learn, make their own mistakes, reel them back in and let them start all over again.. Nothing like it... Enjoy.... :>)

 

[fatcat660]

It is not easy being a parent as every parent on the board will tell you. However it also is the most rewarding work any one could have.

 

[BlondeStreak]

Its good to hear some nice things. I wish I could be married a few years before we had kids but the biological clock is banging hard. Its kind of a "now or never" issue for us. We are getting married in September, probably try to get pregs some time in 2005.

 

[Shandog]

if it's something you're even teetering on then I say don't do it - kids are a lot of work. A lot of work. If you have neices and nephews take them for a week in the summer and get a little teaser of what you'd be in for - I never thought in a million years it'd be this hard (but I am a single mother - which, you could end up being too - I never intended to be one, but that's what unfortunately happened in my situation so you'll need to consider that avenue too)

day care has been the biggest nightmare of my life - make sure you have this lined up or a supportive family or friends to help you or else you'd rather be diagnosed with cancer than go through what I went through for 5 years - it was and is really, really hard (and expensive to pay for day care as well - figure on 800/month or 40 a night right off the top)

I love my kids and couldnt imagine living a life not having children, but you should be really prepared for what you're in for. After the baby shower and all of the glee of the newborn is gone reality sets in and you'll find it's a constant sacrifice of your sleep and time and patience and your money and your peace (forget about going to the bathroom in peace for the next 10 years). AND - your laundry TRIPLES

The joys you will experience far outweigh all of the other things though - you have not experienced all of what life has to offer you if you do not have children. Just be prepared for it and like I said spend some time with neices or nephews (of all ages - you have to do the baby thing and the 10 year old thing - both are challenging and fun and difficult and rewarding.)

Good luck and enjoy sleeping in and having a flat stomach and being able to do weekend getaways on a whim - I miss all of those things but wouldn't trade them in for missing out on a birthday or they first time they say mom and dad or their first steps or a christmas morning - so many good, funny, happy memories there

 

[waxonwaxoff]

Last night, I was up with my 3 week old at 1am and 5am. My wife was up with her 4 times. (my baby has a cold) I was also up with my 3 year old twice, and ended up sleeping in his bed with him, because he has developed a fear of monsters.

I would not change it for the world.
I will caution you that while it is great to be "madly in love with your spouse" as you say, it is not a reason to have kids.

You should be madly in love with the idea of having a family, not just your spouse.

Having children is the hardest, best thing I have EVER done.

 

[DawnieDawn]

Blondestreak~ you have to much going on as is...let nature takes it's course girl. And one thing at a time...first things first...like the bacholorette party!!!! WAAAAHHHHOOOO!!

P.S. You will make a great mother!!!

 

[dno]

QUOTE(fatcat660 @ May 5 2004, 06:41 PM)It is not easy being a parent as every parent on the board will tell you. However it also is the most rewarding work any one could have.

Amen to that! My daughter just graduated from U of M with a 3.9 GPA. She's a lot smarter than I am! I can't begin to express the rewarding feeling you get when your child does well. Kinda makes it all worth it!

 

[BlondeStreak]

Thanks Dawnie-Dawn!!

Many people have said "you would be a great mother" Also, I always envisioned having kids in a good relationship, with a husband that will help me and who wants kids. In past relationships, the men could care less and would have been bad fathers. Dave will make a great father and I think raising kids in my 40's won't be so bad. I don't feel I have missed out on anything. I have traveled my butt off, dated many people and I think I am ready (in about 1yr., 9 mos) for "Sponge Bob" weekends!!

 

[hollie]

I would suggest talking to people that do not have children that are past their child bearing years. I have an Aunt and Uncle (in their 60's) and do not have children and do not have one regret! They love their life together. They also said you don't miss what you don't have. They've never had their child run to greet them at the door, but don't know what they are missing. They have definetly been around terrible, misbehaving, disrepectful children of all ages in a variety of venues and know they would NOT miss that at all. Just a thought!

 

[MONEYSHOT]

You and I .......same issues!!

They say having kids takes a huge toll on your marriage, so you need to be ready for it.

We have decided that is probably in our future, but my only recommendation is talk to him about everything that has to do with kids, each persons responsibilities, jobs, if you got divorced what to do, education, religion, healthcare, sports, etc. Make sure each of you understand the others ideals and beliefs.

I really feel like the peeps who bi*ch about their kids are the ones who didn't discuss it ahead of time. I see it time and time again, people complaining about their spouse not doing their fair share, and blah blah blah

 

[BlondeStreak]

QUOTE(hollie @ May 5 2004, 02:58 PM)I would suggest talking to people that do not have children that are past their child bearing years. I have an Aunt and Uncle (in their 60's) and do not have children and do not have one regret! They love their life together. They also said you don't miss what you don't have. They've never had their child run to greet them at the door, but don't know what they are missing. They have definetly been around terrible, misbehaving, disrepectful children of all ages in a variety of venues and know they would NOT miss that at all. Just a thought!
Actually, I had two aunts who died in the past 2 years that did not have children. They both wanted children but could not have them. My mother ended up caring for them in their last years (their husbands died). Maybe they didn't miss something they didn't have but I know my mom sure wishes they had kids!!

One thing Dave and I have both agreed on - they WILL NOT be spoiled and disrespectful. We've talked about daycare, college, religion, discipline and the strain on the relationship after they are born.

 

[traveler]

Kids, my advice "Beat em- often and hard"!!

JK

You know what a sucker I am. You know my .02

 

[conquest]

i've got a 5year old and i personally think he's the greatest thing. would i have another- ya. she'll be about 32' and i'll call her scaraab

. no honestly they're(kids) a lot of work and I didn't even get to the hard part yet, but I do think they're the most rewarding. they'll say the darndest things , always makes me laugh. sometimes it is difficult though -especially when you and the wife want to just go out and party. I guess ther's alot of good and bad but in the end (not that I've made it there yet) it's worth every effort you put in!!

P.S. if you want to test one out for a weekend just let me know

 

[Togic]

QUOTE(BlondeStreak @ May 5 2004, 02:27 PM)Since I am marrying a man I am madly in love with, we will probably produce at least one offspring (preferably a girl) but if I wasn't marrying him, I would not have any, I never really wanted kids all that bad.
Based on how you started your question, I'd say ask yourself... Do I really want kids now? Just because you didn't want them in the past doesn't mean you're not feeling like you may want them now. BUT, as someone else said, just because you love this guy does not automatically mean you have to have kids.

I'm sure you realize how much work and patience it takes to raise kids and remember it's not just for 18 years, it's for the rest of your life. Remember this too: You are not a bad person if you decide not to have kids.

I've thought about the issue of who will take care of me and/or my husband if we get old and sick. It seems pretty selfish to have kids just so they can take care of things when you're on the near side of dying.

Whatever the decision you make is up to you and your husband. You should both agree on the decision whatever it is. Noone else can make this decision for you. All the advice you see on this site may help you in your decision, but in the end you have to do what's right for you.

 

[Haftrak]

I am now 43, I got married when I was 21, my oldest(a girl) is now 20, my son is 18. My experience gave me this.

0-5 is an amazing, yet very pleasing chore.

The years from 5-12 were fantastic, always learning and experiencing new things with them.

12-18 is a little trickier.

18+ is where you really take pride in all the work you have done raising good, responsible children.

As my wife and I celebrate our 21st aniversary, I must say I am excited about starting phase 2 of our lives together, the kids tend to themselves and are responsible enuf we dont worry about the problems they bring themselves.

Just my thoughts,,, as an earlier post said,,,, its the greatest hardest job you will have.

Good luck with your decision

Jeff

 

[puppetshow]

Children are a blessing!

I have never regretted having kids...not one time and I've been a mother since 18.

The puke, the diaper's, the crying & the sleepless nites are ALL worth it- because you also get the unconditional love and hugs and kisses

like anything in life...... there are ups and downs w/ having kids but your children will bring love and joy to you like none other!!