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Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hi, George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding ! Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
 

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QUOTE(Bayley @ Oct 8 2003, 07:52 AM)...I don't get it.


Q: What does an engineer use for birth control?

A: His personality
You couldn't have said that better!!

i've been working with engineers for the past 5 years...

so truthful!!
 

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Now be nice to us. We can't help the way we are.
 

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QUOTE(MaryJane @ Oct 8 2003, 06:47 PM)QUOTE(Bayley @ Oct 8 2003, 07:52 AM) ...I don't get it.


Q: What does an engineer use for birth control?

A: His personality
You couldn't have said that better!!

i've been working with engineers for the past 5 years...

so truthful!!
hey thats not very nice!
Hazy's an engineer
 

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QUOTE(Veronique @ Oct 9 2003, 06:40 AM)QUOTE(MaryJane @ Oct 8 2003, 06:47 PM) QUOTE(Bayley @ Oct 8 2003, 07:52 AM) ...I don't get it.


Q: What does an engineer use for birth control?

A: His personality
You couldn't have said that better!!

i've been working with engineers for the past 5 years...

so truthful!!
hey thats not very nice!
Hazy's an engineer

lol

you know with my experience with them...they all are arrogant. that's my perception. am i off on that or what?
my brothers an engineer..he couldn't fit the description better!

 

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I can't really say, I've only known one engineer but my experience has been that he's extrordinarily humble
 

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Those arrogant ones must be UofM people. All that the MTU people do is drink beer in the snow and have fun. For that matter, it really doesn't matter what you were in at UofM they seem to have the same view down on the rest of the world.
 

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Hey Boatnfish,

Q: How do you find a U of M graduate in a crowded room of people?

A: Don't worry, they'll tell you within five minutes!

Empty - U all the way! (spring of '98)
 

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Anyone ever notice that in order to spell "Geek", you need a double E?

"...they all are arrogant. "

Engineers are not arrogant... we're just better than everyone at everything!


One more U of M joke while I'm at it:

Q: How do you get a U of M graduate off your front porch?

A: Pay for the Pizza!
 
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