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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need your opinions..
This past summer my older brother called me up wanting me to GIVE him $500. He didn't know if he could ever repay it or not? Years before that all of the family members sent him money when he first moved out to Phoenix with his wife. Nothing was ever paid back and since then his wife has passed away.. My intent was to give him the $500, even against my wife wishes.. Right after that I got hit with one expense afer another including my kids college bills.. Well, there was never any extra money to send him and we didn't speak to each other until 2 weeks ago when I called my brother to let him know that my Dad had fallen and fractured his wrist and hip. He was very rude sounding on the phone and our conversation was an uncomfortable one. At the end of our conversation he told me that he love me, I said the same thing and that was that.. I don't have any extra money to pass out to someone who doesn't watch how he spends his own money but at the same time I don't want money to come between my brother and myself. I was thinking of sending him a letter explaining how I felt and that in the future for him to not make life uncomfortable by asking for money.
Do you think that this is the right thing to do???
 

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How old is this brother???? Does he work???? Why does he need your money???

Maybe he should concider coming back close to the family for help....
 

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You made the RIGHT choice Rich, not the comfortable one - there's a huge difference between the two.

Don't feel guilty - you DID help him. Other family members have helped him. If he squanders his $$ away carelessly and keeps coming back for more from you guys, he'll never learn how to support his family by himself.

I believe in helping others to a certain degree. We all have hard times and it's nice to be able to depend on family to help (wonder what that feels like lol!) Unfortunately it has come to you "having to draw the line" where the generosity and help ends, to force him to becoming self-sufficient. Don't feel guilty...you did the right thing
 

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QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:02 PM)I don't want money to come between my brother and myself.
It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Shandog for the advice...

Red Hot One..
How old is this brother???? Does he work???? Why does he need your money???

He is 61, lives with a buddy to share the cost.. He works in security at a mental institution.. He has a girlfriend who he does travel with from time to time... He always needs money and then when he has extra money he always tells me about some gun that he just bought..
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
QUOTE(Snowmaker @ Dec 3 2003, 01:17 PM)QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:02 PM) I don't want money to come between my brother and myself.
It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.

Before last summer we would talk maybe once a month and kid around on the phone.. But, I'm afraid if I give him the money then he'll never stop asking and I can't afford to support anyone else with 3 kids that I am trying to help and still trying to save up enough money to pay for my boat well, insurance and such...
 

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QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:23 PM)Before last summer we would talk maybe once a month and kid around on the phone.. But, I'm afraid if I give him the money then he'll never stop asking and I can't afford to support anyone else with 3 kids that I am trying to help and still trying to save up enough money to pay for my boat well, insurance and such...
Well, he's wrong for putting you in that difficult and uncomfortable situation. I'd say no more until he pays you back first.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
QUOTE(Snowmaker @ Dec 3 2003, 01:25 PM)Well, he's wrong for putting you in that difficult and uncomfortable situation. I'd say no more until he pays you back first.

Snow, I'll never see the maney from the past but I don't want to give anymore in the future.. I'll just write him, tell him my feelings and see what happens after that...
Hopefully he'll understand...
 

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sounds like even if you did ask he wouldnt have it to pay back. somethings i just say screw it its not worth the hassel and starting a fight wich it might,because he said he didnt know if he could pay back when borrowed it.

he may have been having a bad day when you called on phone explains for crabbyness. wouldnt take it personal,

i have a older brother too 51 same way says can i borrow 5 or 10 ? when we go out on your boat so i can get some beer? i know ill never see it again and just say what kind do you want?, ill get it, i get disgusted and feel like bitching him out to do something with his life but i know its uselss you cant change people if they dont want to help them selfs. chaulk it up to learning exp, but write him a letter telling him he can keep 500.0 by some slim chance he may say no ill pay it back but at least he will know you havent forgotten about the money you gave him.
 

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Well I think you are a saint for still working 60 hours a week to make enough $$ to send your children to the best colleges - what an unselfish and opportunistic gesture that is! Your kids are so lucky!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
QUOTE(bobrob20 @ Dec 3 2003, 01:32 PM)chaulk it up to learning exp, but write him a letter telling him he can keep 500.0 by some slim chance he may say no ill pay it back but at least he will know you havent forgotten about the money you gave him.
10 to 15 years back I sent him maybe $2000. along with other money that other family menbers sent so that they wouldn't loose their house... No one has ever seen a penny back but I just don't want to loose my brother over money.. And that's what I'll have to tell him in a loving way...
Thanks for all of your advice....
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
QUOTE(Shandog @ Dec 3 2003, 01:34 PM)Your kids are so lucky!

They are lucky but spoiled rotten...
You don't know the half of it..
I pay for their car insurance...
We give them money from time to time for gas..
My son got a cell phone with 500 minutes on it for Christmas and I will pay the bill for all of next year..
We pay my daughters cell phone bill each month because she drives back and forth to Wayne State for her safety..
We gave my son a 99 Grand Am GT to drive...
I guess I do it because I grew up in a divorced home and had nothing... It's better to give then to receive but I have to call it quits with my brother or it will never end..
 

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Its really great that you are able to be generous and give as much as possible to the people you care about. HOWEVER, you are creating monsters. They are not learning the value of money, how to earn it and how to manage it. I have a brother that was constantly spoiled by my parents. He was given money, rides, cars, insurance bills paid, etc. It taught him that all you have to do whine and act like you can't take care of yourself and someone else will do it for you. Your brother is taking advantage of you because he can - he figures you have the money so why not share it.
 

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Wow, we are granting you Sainthood! Your good man TPF!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Rob, no Sainthood, I'll probably live long enough to regret it. lol

Blond streak, your probably right... But I hope that they really understand that we are only helping out during college...
 

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Family=Gift

If you don't have it or have been taken advantage of (sounds like you have)forget it...Let him get a part time job to support himself. PERIOD.

3crabs has borrowed $$$ lots of times to my bro and he gets it back asap. I've given $$$ to my sis-in-law and never saw it again, but she is always good to us and my girls, so it doesn't really bother me.

Good luck...........Oh, can you adopt me???
You sound like a wonderful father and husband
More power to you, PF.
 
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