How old is this brother???? Does he work???? Why does he need your money???
Maybe he should concider coming back close to the family for help....
Maybe he should concider coming back close to the family for help....
What's Your Opinion?
I need your opinions..
This past summer my older brother called me up wanting me to GIVE him $500. He didn't know if he could ever repay it or not? Years before that all of the family members sent him money when he first moved out to Phoenix with his wife. Nothing was ever paid back and since then his wife has passed away.. My intent was to give him the $500, even against my wife wishes.. Right after that I got hit with one expense afer another including my kids college bills.. Well, there was never any extra money to send him and we didn't speak to each other until 2 weeks ago when I called my brother to let him know that my Dad had fallen and fractured his wrist and hip. He was very rude sounding on the phone and our conversation was an uncomfortable one. At the end of our conversation he told me that he love me, I said the same thing and that was that.. I don't have any extra money to pass out to someone who doesn't watch how he spends his own money but at the same time I don't want money to come between my brother and myself. I was thinking of sending him a letter explaining how I felt and that in the future for him to not make life uncomfortable by asking for money.
Do you think that this is the right thing to do???
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This past summer my older brother called me up wanting me to GIVE him $500. He didn't know if he could ever repay it or not? Years before that all of the family members sent him money when he first moved out to Phoenix with his wife. Nothing was ever paid back and since then his wife has passed away.. My intent was to give him the $500, even against my wife wishes.. Right after that I got hit with one expense afer another including my kids college bills.. Well, there was never any extra money to send him and we didn't speak to each other until 2 weeks ago when I called my brother to let him know that my Dad had fallen and fractured his wrist and hip. He was very rude sounding on the phone and our conversation was an uncomfortable one. At the end of our conversation he told me that he love me, I said the same thing and that was that.. I don't have any extra money to pass out to someone who doesn't watch how he spends his own money but at the same time I don't want money to come between my brother and myself. I was thinking of sending him a letter explaining how I felt and that in the future for him to not make life uncomfortable by asking for money.
Do you think that this is the right thing to do???
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You made the RIGHT choice Rich, not the comfortable one - there's a huge difference between the two.
Don't feel guilty - you DID help him. Other family members have helped him. If he squanders his $$ away carelessly and keeps coming back for more from you guys, he'll never learn how to support his family by himself.
I believe in helping others to a certain degree. We all have hard times and it's nice to be able to depend on family to help (wonder what that feels like lol!) Unfortunately it has come to you "having to draw the line" where the generosity and help ends, to force him to becoming self-sufficient. Don't feel guilty...you did the right thing
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Don't feel guilty - you DID help him. Other family members have helped him. If he squanders his $$ away carelessly and keeps coming back for more from you guys, he'll never learn how to support his family by himself.
I believe in helping others to a certain degree. We all have hard times and it's nice to be able to depend on family to help (wonder what that feels like lol!) Unfortunately it has come to you "having to draw the line" where the generosity and help ends, to force him to becoming self-sufficient. Don't feel guilty...you did the right thing
QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:02 PM)I don't want money to come between my brother and myself.
It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.
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It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.
QUOTE(Snowmaker @ Dec 3 2003, 01:17 PM)QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:02 PM) I don't want money to come between my brother and myself.
It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.
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Before last summer we would talk maybe once a month and kid around on the phone.. But, I'm afraid if I give him the money then he'll never stop asking and I can't afford to support anyone else with 3 kids that I am trying to help and still trying to save up enough money to pay for my boat well, insurance and such...
It sounds like that's the only reason he talks to you though.
Before last summer we would talk maybe once a month and kid around on the phone.. But, I'm afraid if I give him the money then he'll never stop asking and I can't afford to support anyone else with 3 kids that I am trying to help and still trying to save up enough money to pay for my boat well, insurance and such...
QUOTE(The Perfect Fit @ Dec 3 2003, 01:23 PM)Before last summer we would talk maybe once a month and kid around on the phone.. But, I'm afraid if I give him the money then he'll never stop asking and I can't afford to support anyone else with 3 kids that I am trying to help and still trying to save up enough money to pay for my boat well, insurance and such...
Well, he's wrong for putting you in that difficult and uncomfortable situation. I'd say no more until he pays you back first.
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Well, he's wrong for putting you in that difficult and uncomfortable situation. I'd say no more until he pays you back first.
QUOTE(Snowmaker @ Dec 3 2003, 01:25 PM)Well, he's wrong for putting you in that difficult and uncomfortable situation. I'd say no more until he pays you back first.
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Snow, I'll never see the maney from the past but I don't want to give anymore in the future.. I'll just write him, tell him my feelings and see what happens after that...
Hopefully he'll understand...
Snow, I'll never see the maney from the past but I don't want to give anymore in the future.. I'll just write him, tell him my feelings and see what happens after that...
Hopefully he'll understand...
Well I think you are a saint for still working 60 hours a week to make enough $$ to send your children to the best colleges - what an unselfish and opportunistic gesture that is! Your kids are so lucky!
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QUOTE(Shandog @ Dec 3 2003, 01:34 PM)Your kids are so lucky!
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They are lucky but spoiled rotten...
You don't know the half of it..
I pay for their car insurance...
We give them money from time to time for gas..
My son got a cell phone with 500 minutes on it for Christmas and I will pay the bill for all of next year..
We pay my daughters cell phone bill each month because she drives back and forth to Wayne State for her safety..
We gave my son a 99 Grand Am GT to drive...
I guess I do it because I grew up in a divorced home and had nothing... It's better to give then to receive but I have to call it quits with my brother or it will never end..
They are lucky but spoiled rotten...
You don't know the half of it..
I pay for their car insurance...
We give them money from time to time for gas..
My son got a cell phone with 500 minutes on it for Christmas and I will pay the bill for all of next year..
We pay my daughters cell phone bill each month because she drives back and forth to Wayne State for her safety..
We gave my son a 99 Grand Am GT to drive...
I guess I do it because I grew up in a divorced home and had nothing... It's better to give then to receive but I have to call it quits with my brother or it will never end..
2
Family=Gift
If you don't have it or have been taken advantage of (sounds like you have)forget it...Let him get a part time job to support himself. PERIOD.
3crabs has borrowed $$$ lots of times to my bro and he gets it back asap. I've given $$$ to my sis-in-law and never saw it again, but she is always good to us and my girls, so it doesn't really bother me.
Good luck...........Oh, can you adopt me???
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You sound like a wonderful father and husband
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More power to you, PF.
If you don't have it or have been taken advantage of (sounds like you have)forget it...Let him get a part time job to support himself. PERIOD.
3crabs has borrowed $$$ lots of times to my bro and he gets it back asap. I've given $$$ to my sis-in-law and never saw it again, but she is always good to us and my girls, so it doesn't really bother me.
Good luck...........Oh, can you adopt me???
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