ok! i found it! LMAO!!!
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Subject: Grinches & Psychos Abound This Friday Morning
Let me tell you about my first time EVER "I'm going to get up at 6am the day after Thanksgiving & go shopping stint" that happened a mere 15 minutes ago.
My alarm rang at 5:45. All I wanted to do was go to Wall Mart (conveniently located 2 1/2 minutes from my home) and get one 27" stereo tv that was on sale for $148 to replace my 25" that mysteriously blew up 2 weekends ago. The sale, the paper read, was from 6-11am only. Being on a budget, I felt I had to be there early to get the deal, but was also convinced no one else would really be up to do so that early.
Not even turning on the light I dressed and left. Imagine how in my half-awake state it registered when I viewed the parking lot from the overpass--it was ALREADY FULLED TO CAPACITY at 5:58 am.
I park all the way far from the door and start to walk towards the store, of which, as I near and can see the doors opening, hear yells and screams of people trying to get in. Pandemonium! At 6am!
So, not knowing where the lines (looked like one big mob to me) started. I just sort of followed this one lady my age and her mom and wedged a cart out from among the people and proceeded to wait entry. Not even mere seconds later (ok,I've been awake about 15 minutes now) these 2 psycho ladies come to the middle where I was (and about to score entry) and started screaming--and I mean SCREAMING--at everyone standing around: "I hope you're happy, people! Some of us have been waiting in line since 5am, and you're just taking cuts. Where's the spirit? You're a bunch of Grinches! What kind of Christians are you people? Evil I tell you!" I kid you not. 6am. Straight up.
The guy next to me goes "Scheech." Someone else goes, "Just shut up and get inside!" Me? I simply agree with the first guy standing on my other side and go "Yeah, no kidding."
The skinnier lady looks at me and at first I thought she was agreeing with me. Boy was I wrong. I had no idea she was part of Team Nutjob. "Yeah, go ahead. Make fun. You should get out of line and go to the back with everyone else. How dare you just think you can walk up." I'm looking around INCREDIOUSLY and half asleep at this psycho in the down jacket and yelled back at her laughing, "Listen crazy lady, I JUST walked up here and have no idea what the heck you're screeching about." And I laughed in her face & proceeded to inch towards the door. 6:01 am.
So her fat friend (down is no pal to the pudgy) joins in the crusade to berate people-namely me. "Who do you think you are? Huh?" At which point when we move forward I accidentally bump the guy in front of me. As I'm apologizing to him, fat psycho #2 starts screaming, "That's right selfish one, run the guy over! That's real seasonly!" So after I apologize to the guy, I laugh at the psycho women and go "Hey! I just woke up 10 minutes ago and you're lucky I DON'T need coffee to get motovated! What kind of Christian are you?" at which point the entire crowd started laughing and we moved forward again. 6:02 am.
The 2 won't stop shouting, and now everyone is kinda sick of them when fatty psycho decides to jump in front of my cart and proceeds to hold me back with her fat a$$. People are looking at her incrediously, so I did what any bad Christian would do.
I ran her down. Score one for Team Kotila.
Then psycho #1 realized I was getting through (she's AT the door, mind you, and can go in and get her shopping done but she's choosing to stay at the door and be a bouncer and let in certin people and still screaming about being a good Christian), and tried to block me. Still laughing I go to the front of my cart, meet her, and do my Heisman Trophy impression and, dragging my cart, stiff arm psycho #1 --as the song goes--laughing all the way. As I'm pushing her into the store I'm encouraging her, "Come on! You're in! Go shopping! Shop, ye perfect Christian psycho!" and laughing. 6:03 am.
6:04 am. I score my 27" stereo color tv as well as a dvd player. ALL the other shoppers were nice, polite, helpful (some lady helped me get my tv into my cart & i helped her...and some guy shopping with his wife put the tv into my car for me) and in a VERY friendly mood. Except the 2 psycho ladies.
When I left at 6:07 am, there were TWO Chesterfield police cars and ONE Sherrif car out front. UNbelievable. I did not see the psycho nutjobs anymore. And am preparing to go back to bed. It is now 6:30 am. Will I ever do this again? Doubtful. But with all their preaching about being good Christians, I'm sure you-know-who will punish them with coal in their stockings. Or maybe even catshit. Or when maybe it makes the news later...I'm 'that girl'.
Merry Christmas.
Chrisitne