[PyrateJim]

If you had a very close friend or family member that you suspected was being abused (physically/psychologically/emotionally) by his/her spouse, would you completely mind your own business, or confront the person?

Second scenario - If you thought this person was being cheated on by his/her spouse would you say anything?

Third scenario - If this person's spouse was violent with another close family member, and the person just said "you were in the wrong place at the wrong time" would you think there's more going on than they are letting on?

Just curious what you peeps would think or do?

 

[pauligan]

Oh man...

what a terrible thing to know is going on... I don't know what I'd do in that situation.

I would hope I would say something to the victim... "If you ever need to talk about anything... I can see that something is not right... and I care about you" type of thing...

but then, I'm not sure if it's right to get in somebody else's business....

but then, you have to live with the knowledge

but also... people in that situation are typically in denial... which it sounded like she was with the "wrong place at wrong time" comment...

.....?????

tough to even consider.

 

[Kat]

It's always good to stick to the golden rule, Do on to others as you would have them do on to you.

I once cought my friends (serious) girlfriend cheating on him and I told him right away and then I told him that I expected him to to the same if the situation was reversed.

Abuse is a serious issue. As a matter of fact it is a legal issue. Ask the Attorney-------------------------------------->

In most cases the victom is affraid of the abuser and is too scared to do anything about it because the consenquinces could be worse (worse beating) ot they don't have anywhere to go or they are to embarassed to talk about what is happening. If the woman is the victom this could all be true. I have learned that alot of women also have very low self esteem which of course, makes matters that much worse.

I hopr that this helps you.

Oh, and a nother thing, if the victom is close to you and you know their family REALLY well, say something, It's a legal matter and you could be saving someone's life in the long run.

 

[bikinigirl]

Totally agree with Kat.

The victim needs to know they have a support network...that they don't have to stay there because of emotional or financial fear...In a lot of cases this is the problem...they have been abused to the point not just physically but mentally, that they believe they deserve what is happening, that they won't survive without the abuser, that they are such bad, etc...people that no other man/woman would want them.

Many times it does end in death. You could be saving someones life.

SAY SOMETHING!
BE THERE FOR THIS PERSON!

 

[PyrateJim]

Thanks for the input.

This is a really touchy family situation, and I'm not sure what is really going on.

I do know that the family member who was told she was in the wrong place at the wrong time was physically brusied and thrown by this person's spouse and at the time the person's spouse was drunk - I fear for this person and their child, but don't think she would open up to anyone - not sure if it is fear or pride or what.

Kind of a scary situation. I need to get more facts before anything is said or done about either the possible abuse situation or the cheating situation.

I do know that the person told the injured family member that had it not been a family member, she was sure that an assault and battery charge would have been filed. It's making it very difficult for them (the two familly members) to even speak to each other much less anyone else.

Anyhow, thanks for the input, and I hope that what is suspected is not for real.

 

[Kat]

Well, it sound that all you can do now is wait and see and pray for a good outcome.

 

[MrsSunbum]

QUOTE(pauligan @ Jun 13 2004, 09:59 AM)I would hope I would say something to the victim... "If you ever need to talk about anything... I can see that something is not right... and I care about you" type of thing...
When it comes to emotional abuse, I agree, I would just be there, be supportive. Its hard not to get involved.....but i would try.
Then again, if its family or someone close that YOU KNOW is in danger....
I really might try to alert authorities..(call the police annonomousy*sp*)
Get someone OUTSIDE the family involved!

As for anything else. I would mind my own business....I hope.....

 

[pirlgirl]

Speek up, before the children starts showing/hiding bruises too. Just let her know, what you know and that you are willing to help her. As long as she believes everybody thinks "all is well", she won't even try to make any improvements to the situation.

 

[PyrateJim]

This is PyrateJim, FullThrottle has done the other postings but cant sign on as herself from our computer. Network wont allow her for some reason.

Thanks for the input and suggestions. We dont get to see the child very often as the one we are concerned about is not allowed out of the house very often with the the little one. IF they do leave, they are kept on a very short tether and are constantly checked via cell phone as to their where abouts and time frames by the spouse suspected of being the abuser. We have been at functions/gatherings with this person when they have made comments of "I have to get going before "Sam" gets home becasue if I am not there with dinner ready I'm going to get yelled at" or in the middle of eating on a planned luncheon they will get a cell phone call, come bck into the room crying saying "I hve to go home now. "Sam" says I need to get home because I have spent enough time away and I have to cook him something to eat" or "I have to do such and such for him cause he wants me to do it."

We have even seen how he acts towards his child and his wife and they are more as trophies and show pieces for him to his friends then they are a real family. As you get to know him, it seems that he became a father becasue that is something a person in his position should do and not becasue he wanted to have a family. When the child is good, he will hold him" and "play with him, but the minute the little one starts to cry, he hands the little off to mom saying "here, you take him. I can't handle him when he is like this." We have even seen at a public gathering where the child was crying and wants to be held and has been pushed away saying "No you go and play. I'm talking with the adults now during adult time."

The one we suspect of being abused (physically/mentally/emotionally) used to be a very easy going, care free, fun to be with, happy person that would let just about anything role of their back like water on a duck. Now, they snap at the littlest thing, have almost no social life except for "his friends" are scared to go out without him cause of what he may say when she returns. She has limited contact with her family due to him and he will have even less and enforces that on her. On occassion she will come around to visit or show up late for something and then out of the clear blue, just break down and start crying about nothing and then leave because they feel so bad. Or, she will show up and her eyes will be all glassy and red, runny make up and sniffly. We even suspect that she may lie to him to get out of the house to get a break without him knowing the truth.

This is taking a toll on her family, their close friends, and every one who knows them. I have even heard that his family is starting to get on him for his behavior and the way he is acting.

Again, Thanks for the help.

 

[excal]

I CAN GO GIVE HIM A FEW BUMPS AND BRUISES TO HIDE AND MAYBE SHOW THIS "BOY" WHAT IS MEENS TO BE A MAN.

SO SORRY TO HEAR OF THIS. GOOD LUCK! I PRAY ALL TURNS OUT WELL FOR EVERYONE.

MAN THIS MAKES ME SICK.

 

[CountyMounty]

This person needs help before it’s too late. Definitely let them know that you care and are there for them. Unfortunately, many victims of abuse will not leave because they are too frightened to do so and though they may be suffering from abuse (whether physical or psychological) they may still love the abuser and want to try to work things out for the sake of the children. The abuser obviously is very insecure and only feels powerful when they can control someone else’s life. I would suggest contacting “My Sister’s Place” which is a shelter for victims of abuse. They can tell you the best way to handlie this situation. Good luck.