Rate your Hangover
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, your are craving a philly
sub and steak fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay
But you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing
around
the pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you
of the flavored schnapps' shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3iced teas and a
diet Coke-yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
Else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
And has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but
that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (for
the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper
cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your
sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take
during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
The employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
Every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
remnants of the booboo fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate
saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea
who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any
attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of
alcohol-scented
fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater'
seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your a$$. Death sounds
pretty good about right now.